How I Learned to Manage my Hero-Complex.
by Zoe A. Choo
I believe I’m not the only one with the deep longing to save the world, to change the world, to do good, to help, to save, to be a part of something bigger. Greatness lies within each and every one of us.
However, for some of us, our altruistic nature can cause us a heck load of trouble.
For so long, I’ve been driven to be a heroine on a mission, feeling for everyone around me, picking up the pain of the people around me, pain, pain, pain, so much pain and sufferings in the world. To a point, there are so many times I hope to die, which is, exactly what true Christians are called to do. (Luke 9:23) and so I’m learning to choose Jesus every day. My decision is Jesus.
This year I learned, that I alone cannot save the world, that I alone cannot save anyone. My blood cannot redeem anyone. Only the blood of Jesus can redeem. Jesus is the Messiah, not me. It is amongst the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn, choosing between what seems like the right thing to do and simply yielding to Him.
Of course, I don’t mean sit back and do nothing. In fact, I am all for being out there doing something, embracing risks and making a difference everywhere we go. But this year, I learning how to obedient, and I’ve learned that it is better than sacrifice.
This year, I learned the simplest thing again, to love God with all of my heart, mind and soul and to love people as I love myself. I am still learning that I’m unable to love others when I don’t love myself, or more accurately, when I don’t know/forgot that I am so greatly loved by the Almighty God.
A few months back, God led me to John 15 as I was reading the biography of Rees Howell, and the Word spoke about abiding in Him, remaining in His love. It wasn’t long before the Word had to be done, this is probably one of the greatest lessons I’ve ever learned as a 23 years old young woman.
Earlier this year, God dropped a little fire in me about preaching the gospel to His daughters at Orchard Towers and I responded in my personal time with Him but I was too afraid to take any action. Everything was brewing in my heart. Long story short, just a few weeks ago, I met a friend, Vera, who appeared in my dream whom I haven’t met for six years and we spontaneously went for an outreach at OT. It was incredible, God’s heart has never changed. I was so honoured to have been graced to do this that I became exceedingly overwhelmed to a point I became emotionally unstable at God’s glory and the immensity of this task.
It was then that my lesson came in a mini full circle when I told my cell group leader I needed to know how to manage this because I didn’t want to end up exploding and he simply replied, “You’re already exploding.”. That was when I snapped out of the fire, of the wind, and just, be still. I began to simply remain in His love for me and instantly I was revived. Later that day I found that I’ve been able to accomplish more in my rest in Him than in all of my fiery passion to “save people”. In this, I’ve learned that if it is not first and foremost, about Jesus, good and important things like witnessing to people, bringing people to church, or running our God-given dreams will become an agenda or goal instead and it won’t be long before a burn-out. People become projects, relationships are compromised, people get hurt and we can’t always play hero.
God’s instructions had/has always been clear and simple, resonating in every area of our lives. I realise it is us, that tends to complicate things but we learn, we grow to know Him more and as we know Him more, we trust Him more, and yes, I was about to write things get easier but I don’t think so. There is always more lands to conquer, but we get stronger and more victorious. We get to live the dream, His dream for us. He has already written our lives out before we even existed, and the life that He has written for us is far greater than what we can ever achieve for ourselves.
In conclusion, the answer to how to manage hero-complex is still what I’ve been learning, to seek His kingdom and righteousness first. Jesus only did what He saw His Father do, He was fully surrendered and in obedience to Holy Spirit, He even said that apart from Him, He could do nothing, what more me.
This was why I loved Star Wars: Rogue One, they were one with the force and the force was with them. I saw the force as Holy Spirit, without Holy Spirit, there is no point or rather, a hopeless fight. The other reason why would be a spoiler but basically, they weren’t in it for a personal heroic quest but the greater good, there was no glory for them, they forsake all concept of self and I loved it. My heart resonated especially with what Galen did. It is always about/for His Kingdom.
Only one thing is needed, Mary (I want to be Mary) chose it. (Luke 10:42)