And I had contemplated, merely awhile, on whether I should delete this blog despite this being a speck of dust in macrocosm of the Internet.
Then I thought not.
I thought, I can still write. Here. Well, maybe muse in Tumblr where the community is more fashioned for emotional vomits but this here, is to record my growth. There’s no purpose, well, partially, there is.
I remember why I created this blog in the first place, to catalog my growth – the lessons I learn in life itself. And if my articles can help just an individual, why not. And if no one reads this, it is still fine. I still enjoy doing this, except this time I’m doing this in my own pace, in my personal groove.
See, I was doing it in a way where I had to regurgitate my experiences into a textbook form, which is supposedly good, but I was beginning to hate on the process – it became an unnecessary burden. In the midst of that, I wasn’t being myself, caring too much about the nitty-gritty aspects of how the article should turn out; I was being too dissatisfied (out of perfectionism, which I find, is a form of distorted thinking).
I also had to redo the whole “branding” of this, because previously, it was about Mad Daughter giving out tips but right now, no. It’s just me, Zoe, who still enjoys the stage name/corporate identity/whatsoever, Mad Daughter, yet being more – raw. No longer editing and filtering her photos to put on Instagram, yes I’ve moved onto SnapChat in which I still have a few takes before I put anything up.
You can say the persona of Mad Daughter is maturing along with me. Me being more comfortable with myself, still learning that I am loved, that I am beautiful. Learning that my fear on the opinions of others are but me, shining a light in a wrong angle and thereafter treating the harmless shadow like a threat.
In the Bible it reads, “There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears has not reached perfection in love.” – and so I am still learning this. That I am made to be loved. We all are, and nothing in the world can ever satisfy that void.
Expecting the be loved by a parent, a lover, a friend – is only going to set us to be continually disappointed and hurt. Humans in a broken world infested with pain and deceit, everyone gets broken – no one is free from sufferings. Yet all in all, we are all, simply, made to be loved by the One who made us. Look up and look around, once we understand that (having a paradigm shift), we’d realise how we are loved, and over and over, in the entirety of this universe, standing on the top of the food chain, we are so, deeply, loved.
On a lighter note, I am excited for what God is preparing and about to do in this generation and the next.
Get ready, for a brave, new world.