I wished I was stronger.

I overslept for work today, and I felt extremely bad.

I remember a few years back, my dad just called me useless and hopeless, probably almost every day of my life—and I probably believed it too. Having to go through topical steroid withdrawals added to it, that I wasn’t able to live a normal life and do the things I was supposed to. It was just extremely, extremely difficult—I don’t even have the words for how hard it was. It was also probably why when some guy came along and loved me at that stage, I was smitten beyond common sense. Maybe I was scouring for every piece of good I could find, and it was just too hard to live in the truth of the reality I was in. It was hard to get a break, but I still did. I found the best thing, that was Him being so close to me.

But today I told my mum and my boss about not making for work. My boss simply replied me a photo of a bunch of flowers my friend, Toh, sent to my workplace. And my mum, simply replied, “It’s okay, it’s one day.”.

It’s almost unbelievable to find so much grace and mercy, yet I’ve found myself in it.

I want to do better, to be better. How long does it take to recover? I wished I was stronger.